I'm back...

Hello friends, if any of you are still out there.

I'm coming back to my blog after a monstrosity of a hiatus. If you are still here reading, I am ecstatic and I welcome you. If I am writing to myself, so be it.

Tonight's entry shall be short and sweet, and subtitled "Step up or step off."

This year has turned into a year of self-assessment and growth for me, mostly in the realm of self-respect, -integrity, -confidence, and romantic relationships.

Therefore, tonight I am openly stating "I am a take home to mama type of girl (and dad's like me too), so if you aren't interested in taking me home to Mama, step off."

That's all.

I've been surrounded and pitifully woo'ed, if one could call it that, by boys who would like to "hang out." Consequently, tonight I am fervently expressing my need to be taken on a date, respected, doted upon, and taken home to meet the parents.

The End

Career Ponderings

Hello My Dear Beautiful Friends,

Lately I've been thinking/considering/obsessing over my career track :-)  I find that my future (which follows the track I'm on now) of writing grants and writing papers with a little teaching thrown in is becoming less and less appealing.  I love students, I love mentoring, I love getting to lead, I love having contact with people, and I love feeling like my work has an impact on someone somewhere.  I don't need to change the world in a "I'm the President" sort of way, but I do feel like my abstract, theoretically-based publications read by 13 people aren't fulfilling my soul.  I heard a great quote today about Stephen Covey, who wrote "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and passed away recently.  Tim Robbins wrote that Stephen Covey was a man whose "work was love made visible. " I want to wake up and feel like my work is love made visible.

I spent an hour of my work time yesterday perusing job ads.  I find that I am drawn to applied Public Health positions, but that most of the positions I'm drawn to require several years of experience.  Consequently, I am seriously considering following in Joey Juscius's footsteps into the Public Health Officer world in the military (probably Air Force).  I've done quite a bit of research on it, and the next steps would be to try and find someone to email who is doing the work now and to talk to a recruiter.  It requires a 3-year commitment (drop in the bucket for us grad school chaps) and should come with at least some of my student loans being paid back.  I keep getting really excited about the prospect, but then I feel like maybe I shouldn't be.  I love the idea of getting out from behind a desk and having contact with humans and having some level of responsibility, but then I wonder whether my excitement is based more on leaving the academic world and less about entering the military.

I must admit, though, that I have considered doing something like this at every step in my education.  I talked to a recruiter quite a bit when I was graduating from high school.  I also looked into potential ROTC opportunities at Baker.  Before graduating from NDSU, I found a really cool program through the Army that sent sociologists and psychologists to war zones to help with cultural communication.  I've always believed in serving my country in one way or another.  I know that is weird and a lot of people disagree with it, especially in the more liberal worlds that I float in, but I love the idea.

Anyway, that is where I am right now.  I wanted to share...perhaps get feedback if anybody has it.

Love,
Amber

Derecho me crazy!

I don't know if my title even makes any sense, but I recently experienced my first (and hopefully only) storm called a derecho.  In Spanish, derecho apparently means some form of "straight."  Consequently, this storm was made of straight line, sustained winds of 70+ miles per hour.

Lucky for me, I was in Roanoke, VA visiting my best friend when the storm moved in.  My best friend maintained power, although a great many other people in SW VA did not.  DC was hit just as hard, or harder.  A couple million people were without power at a time when the thermometer has been hitting 100 degrees during the daytime hours.  The conservative estimate of my power being turned on, both at my apartment and my office, is Friday evening...5 days from now, and 7 days after the initial storm.

Luckily, I fly out for a 4th of July holiday on Wednesday to visit North Dakota.  In the meantime though, I'm infringing upon my best friend.  I now have to decide whether I head back tomorrow or not.  I really don't like sleeping in my apartment with no AC and no fan.

That's the most I've got to share right now!  I'm exceptionally lucky to have such an amazing friend who takes me in without reservations.

Love you all!
Amber

Here we go again...

Ever wonder how many times you have to be hit with the same board, to the face no less, before you learn? I do. Today I wonder all over again. So we meet again heartache. Well once again, you won't get the best of me.

Night friends. I love you all.

Random Supposings

Dude: It's hard to balance being a writer at work with being a writer at home.  Sometimes I get tired of sitting at a computer ALL DAY!

Right now I am working on my Fellows Research Presentation that I give next Wednesday March 21st.  It's an outline of my research agenda/approach.  Maybe I'll put some of the more interesting slides on here.

Two great things did happen today.

1. It rained, ala Harry Potter, in my building today.  A pipe burst in the 6th floor bathroom and water (holy hell, I hope it was water) poured down one of the elevator shafts.  On the first floor the elevator doors were open and it looked like rain.  Bad for the building, I realize, but totally fun to see.

2. A research proposal that I put a lot of work into was accepted without revisions (big deal) by TESS: the online social survey website.  Basically, that means they collect data for me (also a big deal).  So I'll have primary data soon, rather than having to borrow data from other sources here at the NCI.  Whoop!

Okay, that's all.  Back to the presentation!
Love,
Amber

Day 29: Eating in bulk

Dear Friends,

Today I am hungry...probably because I ate unwell this weekend and now my stomach thinks I need oodles of fat and sugar to be full.  I am thwarting this desire by 1) running outside in the sunshine (meant going to work at 7am) and 2) eating a huge amount of fiber-rich, low calorie foods.  I just sauteed a big batch of cole slaw mix with a tidge of olive oil and lots of sriracha sauce and ate it all.  Nothing like half a cabbage to make one feel full and beautiful :-)

On another note, I interviewed a potential summer intern this afternoon and it was fabulous.  Sometimes I get so far removed from the teaching/mentoring side of my profession that I forget how much I love it.  It helps that she was adorable!  Days like today reinvigorate me to move towards actually being a professor and enjoying my time with students.

I think that's it for now.  I should probably go dedicate a million years to getting through my eHarmony profiles.

Love you guys!
Amber

P.S. Grateful for my amazing life! Teaching, mentoring, being taught, my Mom, my Brother, my nephews, my Daddy, my friends.

Day 27: No thank you

Dear eHarmony,

You are overwhelming me with the number of matches you give me a day.  Also, although matching me with people who look like they could be my father makes the sifting through of profiles easier, I don't appreciate you matching me with very nerdy looking men.  I get I'm a nerd, I really do, but I'm pretty sure I emphasized in my personality questions that I am totally a snob and like attractive and nerdy men.  So step up eHarmony, step up.

Love,
Amber

P.S. I'm totally grateful for my friends (great long convo w Desiree today and we haven't had a chance to do that in a while; cupcake making with Leigh and Britni; wonderful book club last night); my family; chocolate lava cake that you make in the crockpot; French vanilla ice cream; KU Jayhawks basketball; and my laptop.

Day 26: Bacon Brownies

Dear Friends,

Even though I am eating vegetarian right now, I've decided to make bacon brownies to take to the Superbowl party I am attending on Sunday.  I'll make a batch of peanut butter cup brownies for myself.  The big question right now is...do I chop the bacon into small bits to mix into the entirety of the brownie batter, or do I leave the bacon in strips so as to be recognizable in the brownies?  I've read recipes that do either and cannot decide what is best.  In all honesty, I should probably make a batch of each so that my friends can vote on the best approach.  And since I'm not eating bacon, this might be the best way to get rid of an entire pound.

Thoughts?

Love,
Amber

P.S. I'm grateful for having an outlet for just such a question today!  Love you guys.

Day 24: Took a break and I'm ok with it

Hello Dear Friends!

San Diego wore me out.  I flew out last Tuesday, got in around 7pm, ate dinner (granted it felt like 10pm in my head), unpacked and passed out at 9pm.  Fast forward to 4am.  Up!  I am not great at the east coast to west coast traveling it would seem.  I got in a great workout that morning, but my days were off the rest of the trip.  I would be awake at 4am, even though I wasn't going to bed until 10pm (11pm, 12pm) west coast time.

Pair that with the fact that I spent both Wednesday and Thursday in all day meetings and preconferences and my mind was blown.  Thursday night I even judged posters in a poster session from 7pm to 8:30pm...then had dinner afterwards.

So I slacked off on here, and I'm okay with it.  I'm back now and back I shall stay.  I realize I've turned this into more of a diary than anything else, so I may focus on trying to bring in some fun posts from time to time.  You'd be surprised the ridiculously wonderful things I find on the internet, sitting at a computer for the greater part of a 9hr workday and then being on it more when I'm home.  I'll try to incorporate those more to entertain you!

Love,
Amber

P.S. I am immensely grateful for almond butter and fuji apples; red lentils; my family who consistently reads this thing; my friends who blow my mind on any given day; my preceptor Bill Klein (my boss); warm February days; strong legs with which to run; snuggly beds; and tomato basil sauce (back to food to finish this up).

Day 15: Not bad for a Monday!

Dear Friends,

Today I started the workday in my pj's due to ice on the roads, I got in a little downtime at work as I waited for my computer to be fixed, I had a pretty great workout, and I packed for SAN DIEGO!  This time tomorrow I'll be in my king size bed in my own hotel room minutes walk from big ocean-like water.  I lead a pretty fantastic life.

I'm going to go to bed now, but I just wanted to share my excitement and gratitude to the universe.  I'm blessed in so many glorious ways.

Love,
Amber

P.S. I am grateful for my family and friends, some of whom I get to see this week in my travels; the ability to travel for work-related tasks to amazing places; airplanes; ineffectual ice storms; IT repairmen; my roommate; yummy apples; and running shoes.

Day 14: Ok, maybe not a dick...

Happy Sunday!

I did get some eHarmony matches this morning.  No one I'm really interested in...but they are there.  Perhaps I am way more physically shallow than I thought.  None of them really "do it" for me.  My assumption is that you put up the best photos you can find of yourself, so if these are the photos they put up...and I'm not interested because I don't find them attractive...then in real life it won't get better.  Totally shallow!  Oh well, its just day one of a full profile for me, so I can be patient.  I'm fighting my impulse to respond to the one dude who sent me questions just to be nice.  I don't really want to get to know him or go on a date with him.  I don't need to do things just because it is the polity thing to do (this is the mantra I repeat in my head as I look at his communication request and fight to not reply out of duty).

Other than that, I think I'm going to order some pizza, get a little work done, and watch movies today. It's snowing again outside and I'm not motivated to get out there and conquer any kind of day.  Next up, Ryan Reynolds!  Love that man.  He and I shall have a lovely lazy Sunday together.

Love,
Amber

P.S. I am grateful for my ability to both pay for an eHarmony subscription and pizza.  The world takes care of me so well.  Plus I'm super grateful for my ability to skype with my Mom.  We got to look at each other this morning in our gross, pajama'ed glory.

Day 13: eHarmony is a dick

Happy Saturday Night Friends,

I spent the majority of today working on my eHarmony profile and you know what?  No matches except for the ones I had leftover from 2009 when I went on for a free communication weekend.  Now I don't know how to get rid of those men, all from Fargo, and hopefully get new matches.  I refuse to give them money until they at least demonstrate that I can be matched.  How dumb!

Other than that, I've had an amazing day.  Cleaned and laundered things because I'm headed to San Diego on Tuesday.  Now I'm drinking a glass of wine and about to watch a movie.  I hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend.

Love,
Amber

P.S. I'm grateful for my friends and family.  This trip through life wouldn't be so great without you.  And I want to be grateful for chocolate, but I don't have any!

Day 12: Online dating

Dear Friends,

I have decided it is time to throw my hat in the online dating ring.  I recently read an argument that really made sense to me.  It was basically that you should treat your dating life like you would a job search.  If one were searching for a job, they would not ignore the internet.  They would use their connections and networks, but also search the online sites.  The same could and probably should apply to searching for a relationship.  Although I'm slightly appalled by the idea of treating my love life like a job search, the argument nevertheless has convinced me to give it a try.

So along with cleaning and working this weekend, I might start working on my dating profile.  I'm thinking about trying eHarmony.  Does anyone have any experience or advice about dating sites that I should know about?  I've read reviews online but I think personal experiences are always good to gather.

I love you all and miss those of you who aren't around (probably all of them)!

Love,
Amber

P.S. I'm grateful for my life!!!!

Day 11: Too tired to care

Dear Friends,

I should have blogged much earlier.  Now I must sleep instead.

Love,
Amber

P.S. I am grateful for a ton of things today but especially for the amazing people in my life.  You guys make this life worth living.  Good night!

Day 10: Zumba

*Note: I actually wrote this last night on my iPad and then forgot to publish it!

Dear Friends,

I am writing to remind myself of something in the someday future.  Enjoying your workout is extremely important!  So, if you know me, and you probably do (who else reads this thing really?), I like to workout.  I'm motivated to run races and lift weights and spend time in the gym many times a week.  But often I find myself doing it because I should and not because I am really feeling the love.  That is not to say that afterwards I do not feel amazing and wonderful because I went to the gym, but on the front end I often procrastinate or even sometimes dread the upcoming workout.  I've gotten around this reaction by going to the gym in the morning before I'm really awake, or by going to the gym with a friend.  Previously I would go to the gym with Joey when it was an option, now I go with my roommate.  When I move out to my own apartment I'm thinking about switching gyms so that I can work out with some of my friends at work.

All that being said, I remembered last night how much having a FUN activity to look forward can be.  I went to zumba with a couple of friends from work, at 7:20pm, in the middle of my "downtime", and it was easy to get myself there, fun, hard, and wonderful.  Sometimes I get so caught up in the regimented rules that I create for myself that I forget being flexible and doing new things, and working out while dancing, makes me happy.  Happy is good.  I strive to be happy all the time.  But I seldom look for it in my physical activities.  I'm going to need to remember this and integrate fun into my workouts.  It would help my motivation and save my self-regulatory resources for more important things, like avoiding huge delicious desserts.

Love,
Amber

P.S. Today I am grateful for zumba, my friends, my Aunt Marsha again because when I ordered my Vega last week with her Amazon gift card they sent me the wrong flavor, so now I get to have another Vega delivered for the price of one!, my Mom and her new computer so that I can skype with her on a more regular basis, the productivity I've been having at work, and my Brother who is an amazing father, amazing student, and fun person.

Salted Caramel-Chocolate-Peanut Butter Pie Recipe

Oh sweet heavens!  Yes please :-)

Ingredients:

 Crust

1 Pillsbury® refrigerated pie crust, softened as directed on box

Filling

1 bag (14 oz) caramels, unwrapped

1/4 cup milk

1 1/2 cups Spanish peanuts

1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk

1 egg, beaten

1/3 cup peanut butter

8 oz miniature chocolate-covered peanut butter cup candies, unwrapped, chopped

Topping

1 bar (1.55 oz) milk chocolate candy, melted

1/4 cup Spanish peanuts

1/4 teaspoon kosher (coarse) salt

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 450°F. Bake pie crust as directed on box for One-Crust Baked Shell, using 10-inch glass pie plate. Cool completely on cooling rack, about 15 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, in medium microwavable bowl, microwave caramels and milk uncovered on High 1 to 2 minutes or until melted; stir until smooth. Reserve 2 tablespoons melted caramel. Stir 1 1/2 cups peanuts into remaining caramel. Pour caramel mixture into baked pie crust.
3. Reduce oven temperature to 350°F. In large bowl, stir condensed milk, egg and peanut butter until smooth. Stir in chopped peanut butter cups. Pour in crust over caramel mixture. Bake 30 to 35 minutes or until filling is set. Refrigerate 1 hour. Drizzle melted candy bar and reserved caramel over top of pie. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup peanuts. Lightly sprinkle with kosher salt. Cover and refrigerate any remaining pie.

Day 9: Back to life...as a 30 year old!

Dear Friends,

Happy Monday/Tuesday!  I love four day work weeks.  Tomorrow is Wednesday already.  Moreover, for me today was exceptionally productive.  It always feels good to have a great day back to work.  Plus, I leave for San Diego next Tuesday for a conference so I need to get as much done as possible while I'm at work.

So enough of the day to day business.  This past weekend was my 30th birthday and, surprise...I don't feel any older :-)  BUT I did get to spend the long weekend with some of my best friends in a very fun place and it was lovely.  I put $50 in the penny slots total, but got a ton of play out of that money.  We went to see Zumanity, Cirque de Soleil's sensual show.  I loved it, but there were a ton of boobies!  It really was out there in terms of appropriateness, but in Vegas anything goes.

So after a delightful weekend with great people, I'm 30.  I am excited for what this decade holds for me.  I've made a decision to start diligently searching and applying for jobs that fit my needs.  I am going to fall in love, get married, and have a baby this decade.  I have great things in my future.

I am still vegetarian (I made it through the weekend in Vegas without any meat, yay!) and still training hard for my half marathon.  I need to decide which marathon to run in the fall now.  I think I have it narrowed down to the Chicago marathon or the St. Louis marathon.  Chicago is one I will definitely do at some point, but St. Louis would be fun because I could stay with my cousin and her family.

That is all I have for now.  I'm going to upload photos and I'll throw some on here when I'm done.  I love you all and I appreciate your checking on me!

Love,
Amber

P.S. Today I am grateful for safe travels, loving friends, birthday celebrations, skype, netbooks with good cameras, productive workdays, treadmills, running shoes, and balloons.  I'm a lucky girl!

Day 8: Home from Vegas...

And cannot keep my eyes open.  I can't wait to catch up on some sleep and share my weekend with you.

Love,
Amber

Day 7: Birthday

It is my birthday! I'm in Vegas! I'll actually write something tomorrow :-) Off to Zumanity!

Day 6: failed

I blame it on NOT carrying my iPad as I traipsed thru Vegas yesterday. It's hard to post a blog on one's iPhone. I had an amazing last day of my twenties with a majority of my favorite people. Decadent food, decadent drink, pretty dresses...it was a win all around. AND I get to do it all again today! I'm the luckiest woman in the world!